What are learned behaviors? Think of all the things we do in life that only require us to make the decision to do them. All the rest takes place automatically – without any further thought on our part. How do you create a learned behavior? Just repeat the same set of actions many times over and give that set a name.
Learning How to Walk
Think about how you learned to walk. You saw other people walking and wanted to do it, too. You probably had parents who encouraged you. At the beginning of the process, you had to pay close attention to keeping your balance, lifting and moving your feet forward, and moving in the right direction. While you were doing all of this, your subconscious was paying attention and making note of the instructions you were giving it. Over time, the formula was placed in a folder and stored in your “Learned Behavior File Cabinet.” From then on, all you had to think was “walk” (even if you didn’t know the word yet), and your subconscious took over and executed all the instructions you taught it.
All of our learned behaviors are formed the same way – repeated instructions for a given prompt. We have a ton of them! Most of those behaviors are valuable and certainly ones we wish to keep – things like walking, riding a bike, driving a car, etc. We use many of these nearly every day.
However, some learned behaviors we accumulate over time do not serve us either. Many of these unwanted learned behaviors are referred to as “habits” or “addictions.”
Identifying Unwanted Learned Behaviors
What makes an unwanted learned behavior unwanted? There are the obvious ones – drug addiction, smoking, excess alcohol consumption, and others that are self-destructive. On a lesser level, there can be an addiction to candy and other sweets that tend to degrade our health and add undesired weight. They all have one thing in common – they consist of a set of actions you take regularly that are detrimental to you and/or others.
All types of learned behaviors are created the same way – repetitive thoughts and actions triggered by some kind of stimulus (see more detailed discussion and examples in the blog “Internal Communication”)
Behaviors are not stored in the subconscious as learned until they see a repetitive action connected to the same trigger. You don’t become a smoker from the first time you light a cigarette. The action must occur repetitively under a given set of circumstances – like when you drink at a bar with friends. But after that action is repeated enough times (the number varies by individual), your subconscious stores and labels it with the title of “Smoking.” From that point, you’ll find yourself lighting a cigarette every time you are approaching and just outside the bar without giving it a thought.
The time and effort needed to eliminate a given behavior is based on how long you have been doing it, how frequently it is triggered, and how much physical or emotional attachment you have to it. It could take anywhere from a couple of weeks to years. In any case, here are the basic steps you can undertake to achieve success:
Steps to Eliminate Unwanted Learned Behaviors
· You must fully and completely acknowledge that you have an undesirable behavior. The first step in solving a problem is recognizing there is one. (Great expression – wish I had thought of it!)
· Be honest about your feelings. Are you looking to make this change because you want to do so or because others are telling you that you should? If it’s the latter, stop right there. It is hard enough to eliminate these things when you really want to do so. It is next to impossible if you don’t have the desire within you.
· See yourself as having already been successful in making the change. Envision living your life free of this behavior. Do this every day – the best time being first thing in the morning and before bed. And do it with real confidence and knowing – not just a wish – that what you envision will become your reality.
· Meditate daily. Shut down the thoughts for a few minutes to an hour or more. Calming the mind goes a long way to recognizing the energy around you that can be used to help. Don’t think about your issues or even your goals while in meditation. This is “mind shutdown time.” Just quieting yourself for a while is helpful in all areas of your life.
· Eliminate the environment that triggers the response. If you rarely smoke other than with your friends at the bar, you can make real progress by removing yourself from that scene. It may not be easy to do that, but it’s the most direct way to take your hands off the trigger.
· What if it has gone beyond that? You are smoking every day, whenever you have the chance – not just at the bar. Now things get to be a bit more complicated – and difficult. A higher level of focus that you need.
· Remember that once the subconscious stores a learned behavior, you can’t just make it disappear. Whenever you want to take another one from the pack, find something else to reward yourself for not doing it. A common one is having a piece of your favorite candy or other food reward. Be careful you’re not establishing a new one!
· Whatever difficulties you face in this endeavor, there are resources that can help – 12-step programs, other support groups, medical aids, and many others. Your sincere and passionate involvement in these options will tell your subconscious that you want to change the definition of the undesirable learned behavior.
· Whatever means you choose to make the change, you should prepare yourself for setbacks. Again, there will be some difficulty depending on how long and intense this behavior is. Setbacks are not the problem. Getting discouraged and giving up is the problem.
Make It Work!
If you are committed to moving your life forward in a positive direction, you must face and remove unwanted learned behaviors. Every one of us has them, ranging from an addiction to sweets to an addiction to drugs. Focus your attention with a certainty of success, and you can’t help but succeed!
